It takes time to create a new relationship; so, by right, it is going to take some time to dissolve old ones, but in retrospect, you can’t have a better tomorrow if you’re fixated on yesterday. I really love this idea as it’s a powerful reminder that your experience in life is yours. Whatever or whoever you invest in, you are the one who feels it, and is affected by it. Yet again it reminds us that changes are an inevitable part of life, your present might represent the past, but it doesn’t have to define the future. We all have the gift of choice so we can choose to turn our problems into possibilities and have the freedom for creating a better tomorrow.
Although self-love seems simple and it is just a two-word topic, it ties to a list of subtopics. You would think it is simple and anyone could understand it and most importantly make it a priority, right? …. Unfortunately, it isn’t always so. One of the reasons why we may stay stuck in situations is from the absence of self-love. At times we may ignore how important and necessary it is to take our complete well-being seriously.
We struggle with this concept for a couple of reasons. As we move through life, we have developed routines and operate on autopilot, often caring for everyone else first.
Things happen and we get hurt, ending up in the victim’s space, ultimately forgetting that we are our first priority and our best caregiver. If you ever felt there was something holding you back from achieving your vision, robbing you of your happiness and of living a passion filled life that you would love to live, here are some suggestions for making a change.
Stop Being the Victim
What does your day to day life look like when it comes to dealing with issues and other people? Give yourself permission to notice or recognize any patterns that you might have adopted that cause pain or hurt.
Try to avoid blaming others in challenging situation and take full responsibility for your actions. Avoid wearing your past hurt as a branded tattoo. There is no reason to stay in a bad situation that makes you suffer, be proactive and take action. This could be the start of a new life.
Fantasy vs Reality
Do you find you spend a good bit of time reliving the past in your mind? If so, you might want to do this exercise: Draw two interconnecting circles. Label one circle fantasy and the other reality. In the fantasy circle write thoughts from your past ….. the should have and could have thoughts. Now on the reality side, write down your vision of what you desire and know you deserve. Finally, in the middle write ideas for how you can best love and care for yourself. Fantasy, or spending time in the past, is a comfort zone people find themselves in because it is easier than change. They fear encountering problems and their life might end up being more difficult. Putting your thoughts on paper will help you to confront what is really going on for you. This exercise gives you a tangible view so that you can begin to make changes.
Clean Up Confrontation Cobwebs
As an adult I have found myself battling with low self-esteem and not being able to trust, which has led me to make poor choices in relationships causing frustration, resentment and loneliness in my life. I tried to show up differently each time, but I wasn’t in alignment physically or mentally, my mind and my emotions were off, I hadn’t realized that I was pretending. In fact, I was so broken that I didn’t even know the real me and for each failed relationship I would blame the other person. I didn’t know what to do, how to do it or even why. But my relationships just kept spiraling out of control.
When you feel disconnected, you need a transparent conversation with yourself. What are you telling yourself or is it someone else’s voice your hearing? How far back is your recollection of these beliefs? Our mind is quick to go into that filing cabinet and pull out old records as proof that what you are thinking is true. No matter what experience you have had in the past or what your present circumstances are, your main culprit for holding you hostage is your mind. This is where you need to start the process of getting unstuck by refiling the cabinet with the content that better serves you. Cleaning up the present is great but understanding the root will bring about real changes.
Live up to your expectations
I made a significant shift a few years later while attending a program from a relationship coach. It was because of her teachings I could identify areas in my life that needed urgent attention. I had a breakthrough realizing it was about me first, everything started with me. If I want to see external changes it has to start from within. No amount of blaming or complaining will make a difference unless I take responsibility for my life and the outcomes that I envision. This wasn’t easy to understand or absorb at first, but I was compelled to stay with her teachings.
Normally you can’t correct something unless you can see the need. If you recognize that you’re doing the same thing over and over and getting the same result or someone keeps pointing out to you that there is an area in your life that you need to work on, then you owe it to yourself to take the time to pay attention. Alone time for a lot of us is loneliness and isolation, but it is beneficial to spend some time alone reflecting and meditating. Undisturbed times, quiet moments are privileges we should not take lightly. If we are true to ourselves and want to improve our own lives these are the opportunities to do so. We live in a world where there isn’t much alone time. Often others know you better than you know yourself. Getting clarity of your own when, how, why and what is keeping you stuck is the key formula to you having your breakthrough.
Prioritize each transitional moment
Fear is a feeling that everybody has some time or another around a situation or life in general, but it is not really what keeps you stuck. There is nothing wrong with being afraid. You still moved forward in baby steps. They are motion in play which make things happen. I have learned that everything created serves a purpose. Try to see a situation for what it is but also be curious of what it is revealing to you. What can you learn?
To win at anything you need a strategy to accomplish your intention. There must be a starting point. You must know what you want, envision the end, so you can be fully committed to put in the work, to make the time and effort for your success. Being successful at anything provides a positive feeling. Successful people set goals and accomplish them. For you to make changes, the goals that you set will motivate you into action. Remember practice makes perfect.
How do you know you’re on a successful path? How do you know things are in motion? When your whole being is invested in it. In your job, fully engage, focus on what keeps you interested, causes you a sense of fulfillment. Let this motivate you to show up with a positive attitude. This applies to your personal and social life as well. Doors mean nothing unless you pass through them. If a door opens take the chance to experience something new. Have a mindset that there is always a way to improve your life. Keep your eyes on the prize, continue to set tangible goals and accomplish them. This will keep you focused and improve on your awareness of your purpose.
Make deposit in your emotional piggy bank
Everyone was created to experience physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual connections. We often ignore the importance of having all of these, making it easier to navigate through life. You need all four to guide and protect you. For example, when you end a relationship you might still think about the person a great deal. That is mental, you feel empty, sad, confused, or maybe lonely. What cannot be broken is your spirit when you do not attach to the things or the ways of the world. We might not recognize it, but our spirit is the only force that keeps guiding and protecting us at all times. I have heard it more than once, and even thought it myself , ‘’I don’t know how I got through that time, or that situation.” We don’t give ourselves enough credit because it is not tangible. We might hide our emotions from ourselves and from others. We may not realize how important our inner strength is or how much it impacts our lives and the lives of those around us. We can be self-critical. Be aware when you are short on self-compassion, instead try a little tenderness, release any pent-up energy, forgive yourself and others who you think have wronged you. Everybody makes mistakes, you’re not alone. Get rid of the attachment to the past. Doing things in different new ways makes life more interesting and satisfying.
To live a life well loved
What is the benefit of letting go and releasing? How might that make you feel happiness, freedom, peace of mind, and independence? There could be sacrifices that you might be willing to make because they are worth your time and the why is bigger and better. When you are focused on the end results there will be no regrets. You are able to release negative habits and build new positive ones. It requires a strong desire to be persistent and open minded to the possibilities.
The end game is more confidence, inspiring you to show up more fully to serve yourself and others. Embodying the feeling of knowing that your special feeling is fulfilled, expanded and purposeful. Self-improvement also includes developing will-power, self-discipline, concentration, and inner peace. As you move forward, reset your mind to strive to enjoy every moment of your life, no matter what you’re doing, even as circumstances and situations change. This may not always be easy, the rewards are worth it. Understand this, a ship that throws anchor cannot sail, it has to raise the anchor first and so it is in your life. For you to move on you need to raise the anchor which is your attachment to the past.